INSOMANY-waysof-INSOMNIA

This is the road where you have to pull over. No other way, no turning back. You can not go back. You think you are lost without knowing your destinantions. You say you got wrong answers without knowing the real questions. You feel you’ve had enough before you find your true limitations.
So there you stop and hear, and feel. You have no bravery to look what’s coming on your way.
Suddenly you catch the sound of the night. You see the fog dance with the moon light portraying a romantic motion, and then you sing with the vent. Heave a melody of solitude and a rhythm of gratitude.

This is the time when you think about the past and things you’ve passed. You might willing to mend. Hoping things will change before it comes to an end. Expecting a helping hand, to create your own dream land.
But all the fear is smothering. The storm is in your vein, crawling. You’re losing the ability of breathing and adjusting. Valiancy is slipping away. And your worlds are turning grey. But dont stop here. Remember the life doesnt hurt and the lie doesnt heal. The honest world is in your honest eye.

This is a moment of clarity. Conceive your fragility and put off your dignity.
This is your personal, partial atmosphere. Where you can find the grass turn into emerald and the sky into sapphire.
This is a phase of enlightment.

Take a look and face the fear. Look to the whole world, the whole night and the whole universe, look through the eyes of the needy, look through the bottom of glass, look through the black whole, look through the highest mountain to the deepest ground. Memories will keep hammering strike to your wound, but you know you will heal.

You know you can resist.

For dissapointment that is never heard
For an aspiration that is left unsaid
For the tears that arent cherished
For a laugh that isnt shared
For a friend that never comes
For the hope that is deep buried
For love that is unexpected
For the agility and insanity
For the cordiality and dignity
For a joy in a fantasy
For a life that is never easy
Have faith
(18/11/2011/snm)

I’ve been thinking that trust doesn’t just naturally happen between two people, even if they love each other. It always takes efforts.

Well, I’ve  been hurt in the past like so many times, and trust can be very difficult for me. Building trust takes time, much times indeed. Hard for me to show my partner that I’m trustworthy and that I trust him in return. Usually my partner has trouble in trusting. Trust me :(
But I know I have to create an environment where trust can grow. But again I’m telling this: that’s not easy.

When it comes to relationship, we should try to listen to our partner, respect him and his point of view, and accept him even in many cases. Well honestly, I can’t do that easily. (Okay, that’s selfish)

We should also try to reveal parts of our history, show him that we trust him (even when we’re not) and that we will help him to do the same as we do.
It’s necessary for us to be vulnerable since it helps our partner to feel that he is safe.

But I think over and over again, and decide to say that we don’t have to rush it. If we do love our partner and want what’s best for him, there’s nothing wrong with waiting. If we’re in a relationship with someone we think we can’t trust, make a move. Cause If we have trouble trusting our partner, we really need to talk about it heart to heart with him before we run away from what could be a great relationship.

This is what I think is the most important: We should first understand ourself that our past really affects our ability to trust. So we have to be way more logical. Everyone’s different. That’s all. And what could I say is: You’re lucky if trust hasn’t been a problem for you. Means you just need to take a close look at who he is, how he treats others and how he treats you. And also, try to look with your heart :)

Well, I’m just saying, cause honestly:

I’m very very I mean like very much bad in RELATIONSHIP and COMMITMENT

Reza Prabowo is a cyclist. Is also a geek, a website developer, a freelancepreneur, an obverser, a high-tech boyfriend, a walking wired magazine, a splendid design worshiper. He dominates conversations. He easily persuades others. He laughs even you make a lame joke. He makes a living from his MacBook Pro. He can’t leave home without his iPad and iPhone. And he loves me.

He tells me about many things. About Sillicon Valley millionaires, about bicycles, about Scandinavia countries, about TopGear things, about the Korean Autocompany, about Google company, about his dream city, about Natalie Portman, about athlete’s foot, and even little things like how he wants to have a cargo bike when he already has children. I love to see his starry eyes when he’s telling me those.

But he can turn into such a very cynical when it comes to certain things. Well, those 8 things are…

1. Blackberry
Of course I’m a blackberry user who put it on top 3 important-belongings list of mine. And since I met him, I finally realize, yes this thing sucks sometimes. But he gives me a good reason to admit that.
“Those applications are outdated, the OS is lame, the menu display is unattractive. Why do people keep calling it a smart phone? It’s not even a proper phone, it’s messenger, effin’ RIM” (You really gotta see his face whenever I restart or do alt LGLG on my blackberry)

2. Local TV Station
Don’t talk about Indonesia actor or actress to him. He has no idea. He doesn’t even know that “Putri Yang Tertukar” is starred by Nikita Willy. He doesn’t have any local channels in his TV. Watching local TV stations especially ‘sinetron’ is a brain damaging for him. What else could I say?

3. Avanza driver
Once he told me this, “Avanza is cheap. It’s a starter car. So, mostly Avanza owners are simply dumb and don’t know how to behave while driving.” Oh boo, I could say you’re a true observer.

4. Internet Explorer
Okay, I dont use it anymore too. But the most unforgetable line of him about IE is “The only function of Internet Explorer is to download firefox”

5. Fixed Gear User
This could be sensitive. Fixed gear hypes. Yeah Fixie boys, he doesnt like you. “Fixie boys are only people who obsessed with the trend. They are slow. They dont obey the traffic rules, they don’t have attitude, and some of them acts moronic on the road” Well, I think it makes perfect sense.

6. Poor ambience places
Ambience is the first consideration of him to pick a place to chill. He’s so judgemental in it. Interior designs, musics, lightings are the first things that he put attentions to when he’s in a cafè, bistro, or lounge. So if I choose the wrong place to date and it’s his turn to pay, oh I really better make it up. He might kill me.

7. Dada Rosada
Well, I have the same opinion with him about this thing. Dada Rosada is only trash and it needs to be destroyed. It’s the biggest failure of Bandung city. It causes massive damages. Its small brain is corroded. Enough said. (Trust me, Reza could be much more cynical than me about this Dada things)

8. Detik[dot]com
I’m not a web developer. Not a graphic designer either. I don’t notice the content of detik.com, I only read the news. But yes, it is not properly designed, I guess. Well I just see the lame colors. But for Reza, detik.com is the most failed news website and he could speak 20 minutes to explain all the failure details of it.

:)))

We will never really learn if we have never fallen..